Pieces of the Puzzle
by iJ3i
Summary: After reading Kurama's journal, Hiei sets aside some time to talk with him. Kurama comes to find out that although he's different from everyone else around him, he can still find acceptance in the coldest of hearts.


This is the first time I've ever written in a character's point of view, and I hope I did Kurama some justice!

**Disclaimer**: "Who don own it, I don own it, she don own it, you don own it!" – I don't own Hiei or Kurama, or Yu Yu Hakusho, gar nicht!

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**Pieces of the Puzzle**

It was shortly after midnight that Hiei entered the arched opening of the cave. He crawled his way inside, stood up and dusted himself off. He glanced up at me with sharp eyes in that curt manner he carried with him. I stared back at him, unwavering. He came over to me, and sat down on the dried out log I'd set out when I'd first arrived.

I was curious as to why Hiei'd call this private meeting. He'd usually just wait around for Yusuke to come up with something. That was really the only time we met. I was certain that Hiei hadn't called me to the cave for _reikai tantei_ business. Whatever the reason was, I was dying to know.

I kept my manner neutral, however; my legs crossed casually and my face expectant. Hiei settled on the log. He laid his _katana_ in front of him and leaned back, pressing his back against the cave wall. The fire in front of us flickered brightly, and Hiei watched it with vacant eyes.

"What is it?" I asked, not liking the fact that I started the conversation.

"The other night, while you were away, I went into you bedroom and read what was on your desk. I couldn't understand some of it, but from what I could gauge, you've got a large burden on your shoulders. You once said you'd tell me whatever I wanted to hear." He looked over at me slowly. "And I want to know what that letter was about."

"A part of me doesn't understand. I leave things on my desk all the time…"

"A list of errands, Kurama?" Hiei asked, his voice raising. "I'd tell you to meet me here for that?" I paused before speaking. He was right. There was really only one thing that he could be referring to.

"That wasn't for your eyes to see," I said, my voice low. "I left in a hurry that night, I hadn't had time to put it away."

"So, you're confused," Hiei said, apparently focused on staying on track. I let my shoulders droop. He'd caught me, in a sense. I felt stuck in that cave and I knew I wouldn't be able to leave until Hiei had his fill. "You feel caught." He nodded. "It's perfectly understandable, _kitsune_. I don't blame you." He raised his eyes to mine again. "What I don't understand, is why you feel alone." I scratched my cheek distractedly.

"It's just a mood I fall into, Hiei. I'm over it now." Hiei shifted.

"Don't lie, Kurama. I know you better than you think." I shook my head and then looked down.

"It is just a mood, Hiei, how dare you tell me I'm lying?" Hiei looked back at the fire, the dancing flames reflecting in his eyes, seeming to be the only sign of life in his emotionless countenance. I looked down again, trying to lessen my defensive approach. Hiei appeared to sense this change, as he looked back up at me and spoke.

"You feel trapped…" he said. "You want to be free. Of what Kurama? Of little _ningen_ things…of life itself?"

"Why do you care?" I asked, shaking my head. "What would be the point of telling you anything?"

"You told me you would, that's number one. And…" He paused, leaning forward. "We may be more alike than you know." I was a little startled by that, and I looked at him quickly. So he was searching for similarities between us? Something more to compare to what he'd already read?

"We have many things in common, Hiei, but we are two completely different beings. We've lived entirely different lives."

"That's not what I meant, Kurama," Hiei pressed. "Within the happenings of our existence, what lies beneath." I nodded. I knew what he meant; I was just trying to get around it.

"Why are you doing this, Hiei?" I asked. "Is it…because you need to…relate to someone else?"

"Maybe…" he said. "I don't know for sure. I just know that it's important to me that you talk to me about what was in that letter…that you feel alone, even though you have friends. You look me in the eye and tell me that's not me, Kurama. You feel trapped, even though you have so much space. You feel like something's missing… You can't distinguish against different emotions. You try hard to overcome setbacks, to overcome someone breaking down the walls that hide your heart, Kurama. You're not supposed to love, Kurama? You look me in the eye and tell me that's not me."

I stared down at my hands; they worked continuously to aid in distracting me. No matter how hard I swallowed, I could not rid myself of the lump in my throat. Hiei pressed on.

"There's this one woman in your life, Kurama, the one woman you'd give your life for. She means the world to you, Kurama. You'd die for her, kill for her. You'd do anything to protect her, but you feel trapped by her. As if somehow, you can't get away because she'll always have your heart in her grasp. You want it there, but you know it binds you to her, and you want to be free. To you, Kurama, it's your mother, Shiori. For me, it's Yukina."

"Please, Hiei…" I managed to say, but he went on, reciting what he could remember from my journal.

"You're hiding a secret from her, one you wouldn't dare tell. But deep inside, you want her to know. You know she'll love you forever, Kurama, no matter what. You know she'll always be there for you one hundred percent. But there's something holding you back. Fear? The fear of rejection?" Hiei leaned forward, zoning in close to me. He stared up at me intensely, his gaze unrelenting.

"Hiei…" I gasped.

"What would happen if Shiori rejected you, disowned you?" He paused, swallowing hard. "What if…what would happen if…Yukina rejected me?" I looked at Hiei again, seeing hurt in the depths of his eyes. He nodded and reached for my hand. I could feel tears well up in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

"You understand, Hiei…" I said, having to speak out this revelation.

"More than you'll ever know, Kurama." He squeezed my hand, still looking up at me.

"I just… For the longest time, I've felt alone in that…no one would ever understand what I was going through. How much I've changed, but never forgetting what I've gone through to get here. I don't want to die, Hiei, but I don't want to live like this anymore. Lying to everyone, hurting inside. Aching for something…something that I can't quite…" Hiei reached up and wiped away the tear that had escaped. He brought a warmth to my disposition, a warmth I needed at that moment.

"It's alright, Kurama, you can cry if you need to." I didn't want to, but he sounded so caring when he said that. Nothing compared to the warmth he showed me, the type of feelings I never knew he had. It felt utterly lovely to see that he did have feelings for me, that he cared for me.

I did cry, and it took a long while before I could stop. He sat with me the entire time, holding my hand, helping to wipe the tears away. He leaned forward again, and switched over to the log I occupied. I sniffed and looked towards him while still keeping my eyes on the ground.

"Did I help at all?" he asked, his voice distantly soft. I nodded.

"Yes, Hiei. You've help me so much." He nodded and looked away, still holding my hand. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked. I shook my head.

"It's just that…I should have been more open. I came here so worried that you were going to do something dreadful. I never expected this, Hiei."

"I can't accept the apology, because there's no need for it. I probably would have come here with that same attitude, Kurama. I don't blame you. You didn't know." We sat in silence for hours after that, watching the fire die out as dawn approached. Hiei sat up and looked at me.

"I should get you home. Shiori might worry." I nodded, and let go of his hand. The cool air flooded the warm patch of skin Hiei's hand had enveloped. I didn't like the feeling; I immediately reached for his hand again. Hiei looked up at me, and we stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity.

We were facing each other, our full attention on one another. I could not seem to gather enough will to turn away from what he showed me. His eyes revealed decades of silenced emotions, eager to be seen by a like mind. I took in all I could before he closed them.

My eyes closed as well. I leaned forward towards him. I could feel the warmth of his breath across my face and I knew we were inseparably close. Our lips met and we sat still, as if the kiss was nothing more than the act of handholding, something simple, usual. We needed to do nothing more than just embrace it.

Hiei opened his eyes and leaned back. I looked down, still gripping his hand. Hiei motioned towards the entrance of the cave, where the early morning light was creeping its way in. I nodded and stood up. He grabbed his sword and walked with me to the entrance, where we emerged from the darkness.

I couldn't help but stretch, despite myself, and Hiei waited patiently for me to recover from my state of exhaustion. I began to walk and he followed alongside me. Walking home with Hiei that day, I never felt more whole. I felt like a large section of a puzzle had been missing for many years and that Hiei's presence was helping me to complete it, even without the proper pieces.

Thousands of pieces, one for each year of my existence, were slowly falling into place. I do not know what my future holds for me, but the rebuilding of the puzzle has just begun.

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Please review! I'll love you all indefinitely!

J3


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